You are Worthy of the Beautiful Life You’ve Made, or Dream of

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For those of you who haven’t seen “This Is Us” (a show I highly recommend!), the character Randall is intelligent (both EQ and IQ), highly disciplined, hard-working, kind, loving, and generous.  He is happily married, a great dad, and professionally successful.  And yet.

Due to childhood circumstances, Randall still has deep doubts about his inherit worthiness and lovability.  His super-human efforts to be perfect are a compulsion—a desperate drive to be good enough, to be worthy of acceptance and love.  And the fear and drive are taking their toll.  That is why his father tells him, “You deserve the beautiful life you’ve made.”

“You deserve the beautiful life you’ve made.”

It’s a beautiful sentence in a beautiful scene that left nearly every viewer in tears.  Can you imagine if more parents said that to their children?  I know too many people who have never heard those words and long for them.  And yet.

I found that I slightly rewrote the sentence in my mind to, “You are worthy of the beautiful life you’ve made.”  A small but personally significant change.  “Deserve” is a challenging word for me because of its implications of “earned” and/or “entitled.”  But every day, people get things that they don’t deserve—good and bad, fortune and illness.  I think Randall’s father and I mean the same thing but express it differently: we both want Randall to believe he is inherently lovable, so that he can relax a bit and enjoy his beautiful life.

Why does this wordsmithing matter?  Because I sometimes find that changing just one or two words lets me understand an idea in a whole new way, and that something I once rejected now makes sense to me—and opens up new pathways and understandings.  Maybe for you too.  If there is an idea or situation that irks you but also has some appeal, or annoys you but keeps coming up because individuals you respect find it helpful, try changing some of the language using synonyms or closely-related ideas.  Do any of the alternate phrasings or perspectives create new understandings and possibilities for you?

I also made an addition to the sentence, for everyone who is still on the way, still struggling: You are worthy of the beautiful live you’ve made, or dream of.  Take that in for a moment, feel it deep in your bones and believe it: You are worthy of the beautiful life you dream of.  Now what will you do to make the dream a reality?

 

Photo borrowed from NBC

Alexandra Marchosky
Alexandra Marchosky
I coach individuals and organizations to do and be better by more fully living their values.
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